Untangling: The relationship between hair and identity
My mom and I at my godparent's wedding. I was probably 4 or 5.
Tatianna Barry for Soft Rows
How did being biracial affect your perception of beauty?
Being Biracial is complex, and although there are a lot of shared experiences between myself and other biracial people, I do think my experience is unique. I rarely felt "othered" or out of place except a few times. Growing up, I guess my mom had an understanding that her lived experience as a white woman would be different from my lived experience as a biracial person who isn't racially ambiguous. Phenotypically, I am Black, and that is how society sees me. Because of this, she made sure I spent time in spaces with Black women specifically, whether at hair salons, with my godmother, or with her close friends. I was never the only black or biracial person at school or other places. The few times I was, I would always be confused because I didn't realize people of the same racial identity tended to stay together. I was used to my family, and everyone looked different. So, I'd say I saw beauty in everyone until age 8. Then, like every other adolescent girl, I started paying attention to what people in the media looked like and comparing myself to that standard. I wanted straight hair and wondered why I didn't have blue eyes like my mom.
I was around 2 or 3 when my godmother gave me a relaxer. My mom always told me how much she loved my natural hair; if she had it her way, I would've never gotten one. But because transitioning wasn't well-known in the 90s, I guess my mom assumed the only option was to keep my hair relaxed and in protective styles. As a child, I felt the prettiest after a fresh doobie wrap or when I got Iverson's for the first time. I never really thought I'd ever wear my hair natural, I didn't know it was an option. I decided to go natural after my hair broke off from a Dr. Miracle's relaxer at 15. My mom told me she wouldn't give me relaxers, so we cut my hair so I could start my transition from relaxed to natural. That was 2010, and not a lot of kids at my school were wearing afros or anything like that, so I wore a lot of braids and sew-ins, and when my hair was out, I had to have a straight bang because I wasn't comfortable with my hair texture.
What things have you had to unlearn about your hair?
There is not one specific hair type that "belongs" to biracial people.
Most other biracial people I knew or saw in the media had loose, long curls, whereas my hair is kinkier and grows outward. I internalized this idea that my hair wasn't 'good' because it didn't look like what everyone else expected.
My hair is versatile.
Growing up, I wished I had straighter/longer hair because I thought it meant I could do more with my hair. Now, I know that my hair is so versatile, and there is always something new to try.
No amount of product or styling will change how my hair grows out of my head.
I still style my hair, but I am not as stuck on definition anymore and try to let my hair do its own thing as much as I can.